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*There is a link at the top of the player to download each song Although I am known online as a comedian, my main influence in life has not been comedy, but music. From The Beatles, U2, Frank Zappa, Sparks, Lou Reed, Randy Newman and hundreds of more artists, music has deeply affected my life in a very positive way. I have alway regretted never trying to learn how to play the guitar but in recent years I was able to create "songs" using music loops (which I would have a lot of fun editing) and with lyrics would attempt to sing, even though I know I can't sing well at all. I believe my music can still be entertaining, especially after you've had a few drinks! I have worked with countless "real" musicians worldwide and some of them are in a few of the songs above. I believe if I have any talent it is for writing lyrics (or poetry), even though sometimes what I write I have no idea what it means. I think sometimes the thoughts just come from somewhere out there in space... *Most of the songs are humorous, but there are a handful that are more serious... ABOUT EACH SONG (plus lyrics below...) REPAIR MAN One of my earliest "songs" using music loops and what I thought was a pretty clever idea, unless the person only had one speaker to begin with... CANADIAN STUDMUFFIN This is a song the artist Ross Brodie made about me and with his permission It has been one of my theme songs which I have used in a few of my videos. Video for song here. CLUES All music by Eric Myers. Eric is an incredible guitarist, as you will hear with the guitar solo at the end of this song. No idea what the lyrics are about, but I think the song is kind of cool. Eric also did all the music on my Redneck Canadian CD, which you can download for free above. MY DAMN NEIGHBORS I rarely worked with female artists but I have done a few songs with Kim Strieble. She is a superb guitarist. She sent me some music to work with and I came up with this song about neighbors. By the way, I don't have problems with my neighbors, but I know of others who could relate to a song like this... Video for song here. CANADIAN STUDMUFFIN THEME SONG This is another theme song that was given to me a few years ago by the punk band Techno Star Rebels. It's pretty cool and it rocks! MY SHORTEST SONG Once again working with music loops with the Acid Pro program. ARE YOU DEPRESSED? Stream of concious lyrics. No idea what the words were about at the time I wrote it, but a few years later I think it is about people who want others to be as miserable as they are feeling, as that makes them happier. Once again just using music loops and having fun editing the hell out of them! A CREATIVE MIND A rather serious poem that I turned into a song using music loops. I thought this was a pretty cool production I did, considering I was new at editing loops together. MAN TO MAN More music loops and silly lyrics... 157 STITCHES Possibly one of my favorite lyrics. Once again using music loops... PARTY AT MY HOUSE TONIGHT Music by Steve Shreiber and Eric Myers. Steve is another great artist who I did quite a few songs with. He would send me some music and then I would write lyrics and sing. I also got Eric Myers to add some guitar to the final mix. NEVER SUCCEED More music loops and another set of pretty serious lyrics. I think I am talking to myself without knowing it... AGITATED BEAVER A Frank Zappa inspired bit of craziness... AT THE BAR I sent these lyrics to Eric Myers and asked him to sing this in his best Neil Young voice (although he sounds like Neil anyway...) He made what I think is a pretty damn good song. So this is an Eric Myers song except for the lyrics. CAUGHT WITH MY PANTS DOWN AGAIN More warped lyrics and great music by Kim Strieble. SUE IS GONNA SUE (with Deb Graves) I attempted to make a dance song with music loops, but failed by turning into another stupid song ha ha! My wife Deb helped out with the vocals. I AM STUDMUFFIN (instrumental) This was music that a band called Old Punks From Hell did for me so I could have a theme song (the first of three...) My son Ryan Graves added some of his guitar work to the track. My only contribution is the "1,2,3,4" bit... MIDGET PORNOGRAPHY Another Zappa inspired song, at least lyrics wise. If you are offended, blame Zappa not me... :P Music once again by Steve Shreiber THE ULTIMATE DRUG Another song using music loops and warped lyrics... THE SOCK SONG Another stupid song using music loops... GO TO NUMBER ONE The artist Yellow Stick Men made some really cool techno music and he sent me this track and I added lyrics regarding the music charts. INSANE ASYLUM Possibly my craziest song, if that is possible. Once again music loops were used... LYRICS: REPAIR MAN Your one speaker isn't working And I thought I would write a song just to let you know Your one speaker isn't working And so I thought I would just let you know because that's what friends are for Both of your speakers are now working Because I fixed them telepathically Your one speaker is now working and now you have two that work And now all you have to do is thank me ah, gonna go do the dishes now... CLUES They say you can lead a horse to water Oh yes, that is so true But if you lead your son to my daughter I am gonna kill you You may think you know wrong from right And maybe you do but in the darkness of night I see a light and a little clue It might come to you in a dream or come to you from a friend Either way that it comes to you shall be the start or the end And what is in the middle is a riddle for you to unravel On this road leading to nowhere that we all must some day travel Clues scattered onto the highway of your life No one knows the answers, not even your wife Unlocking secrets takes many years, my friend And time ticks away until it's just around the bend Maybe I'm dreaming but it's reality to me and with every high there is an equal low Once every clue is finally revealed You'll be free to get up and go We must all get together and unlock the clues until we are done I'd gather up my own daughter but she's out with your son MY DAMN NEIGHBORS My damn neighbors always on my case They look at me like I'm a mental case I'd like to shoot them or punch them in their face They should not be part of the human race Neighbors are bad They make me mad That gets me sad and that is why I hate my neighbors (repeat) Bomb their house I wish I could If I had dynamite I know I would Great big explosion and they would die Hello damn neighbors way way up in the sky! The chick next door Ugly as hell She smells funny and she is fat The guy next door I think he's gay (not that there's anything wrong with that...) They play bloody music all night long Abba, Madonna and a little Korn It's so loud I can't hear the audio when I'm watching porn Neighbors are bad They make me mad That gets me sad and that is why I hate my neighbors (repeat) MY SHORTEST SONG My shortest song This is it My shortest song Filled with wit My shortest song with a piano solo My shortest song 1,2,3 Go! With a freaky part for suspense And makes absolutely no damn sense My shortest song It's very unique My shortest song with lyrics so weak My shortest song Is lots of fun My shortest song Is now done ARE YOU DEPRESSED? Are you depressed? You are? Well, so am I It's so nice to meet someone who feels the same way Maybe together we can have a really miserable day Once in awhile you can say "Oh, poor Larry..." which will really make me cry Share our trials and tribulations Whatever tribulations means I can't say I'd have to look that up in a dictionary We can walk down the darkening path of our own living hell forever Walking together hand in hand Moaning and groaning and whining so well together God, we make such a miserable team, I could die Are you happy? You are? Well, so am I A CREATIVE MIND Everyone said he had a creative mind but he always abused it His imagination knew no ends yet he seldom used it Sitting in his castle of despair Smoking up a storm Casually attired in his underwear For him this was the norm No goals to achieve No lovers to love No buttons to push No enemies to shove Lapsing into his daily coma with a cute little smile on his face So thrilled at the honor of not being part of the human race MAN TO MAN lying beside you makes me so proud to be a man I can not sleep I can only weep knowing how much I love being with you instead of that bitchy creep it is truly the best being nuzzled against your masculine chest and we are not ashamed to show our feelings of mutual lust oh that hairy bust! and this precious moment in time will soon fade and you will be back in her arms listening to her constantly yap but that is okay for we are not gay we are just having a little nap 157 STITCHES Girl, you really hurt me The night you stabbed me in the back The pain was so intense and then everything turned black When I awoke you were nowhere in sight To leave me laying there in a pool of warm blood Man, that's just not right 157 Stitches Give or take a stitch 157 Stitches Sewing me back together inch by inch by inch I thought we were bosom buddies I thought we were lifelong chums but you've upset me so much Now my stomach's always aching for the love we once had and I'm addicted to Tums 157 Stitches Give or take a stitch 157 Stitches Sewing me back together inch by inch by inch 157 Stitches Leaves a rather nasty itch I once believed our friendship would last forever but the knife in the back was the final straw Maybe you didn't know but attempted murder isn't nice and it's also against the law 157 Stitches Give or take a stitch 157 Stitches Sewing me back together inch by inch by inch 157 Stitches Leaves a rather nasty itch 157 Stitches You goddamn bitch PARTY AT MY HOUSE There's gonna be a party at my house Everyone is invited There's gonna be a party at my house even Eric Myers is invited We're gonna play Spin The Bottle and Twister too And if there is enough time, baby I'm gonna make love to you You can bring all your friends over and don't forget the bottle You can bring all your friends over (except for Jack) and don't forget the Twister game because I don't have it We can dance our feet off to this rockin' beat and then I'm gonna make love to you like 50 wild horses in heat (actually 51...) There's gonna be a party at your house instead because my Mom said "no" There's gonna be a party at your house instead and my Dad said I can't go What a bummer There goes my summer but there is always next year When my Mom and Dad go to Florida we can have the party here! party at my house (next year) NEVER SUCCEED Standing in the middle of nowhere at all Wanting to shout out, there's no one to call Sense of adventure but I'm so afraid Spotlights on me, I'm stepping out of the shade Soon I'm surrounded by a laughing crowd They point and mock and yell oh so loud It tears at my soul and breaks my heart I step back to the darkness to the start Then a voice appears from out of the blue He whispers in my ear "You'll never succeed, You'll never succeed, You'll never succeed unless you try" (repeat) AGITATED BEAVER I'm an agitated beaver I'm mad cause I'm an agitated beaver I'm mad because I'm an agitated beaver AT THE BAR By the time you get this I will be half-pissed and I won't know if I mean what I say The times they are hard so I've gone for a drink And maybe I'll be back someday At the bar Not much to do except to bitch and moan At the bar Always thinking of you but feeling so much better all alone Come on down to the bar You will see me there With my worn out body And my drunken stare You might notice my frown It's my favorite form of expression When I'm in a deep depression And my soul is nowhere to be found If you ask me if I love you You're going to get the truth this time You see, I've had too many drinks Much more than a glass of wine Please don't get angry I don't mean to be unkind I just don't love anything anymore Except maybe my alcoholic mind CAUGHT WITH MY PANTS DOWN AGAIN Man, I almost had a heart attack when you walked into our bedroom I thought you were still in rehab and wouldn't be home so soon How about a little drink of liquor or pop a few pills maybe? Get wasted and forget what happened I feel like such a dork, baby I know it's hard to believe but she's just a really good friend I'm sorry you had to see me caught with my pants down again I feel so damn ashamed I can't stand it The memories will someday fade I'm so sorry I broke your fragile heart I'm even sorrier you caught me getting laid I know you've got your bad habits and I certainly have a vice or two You like to drink, snort and shoot up and I just like to screw I know it's hard to believe but she's just a really good friend I can see the hurt etched on your face but can you see the fear in my eyes? I know seeing me naked with your mother must have been a big surprise I just have to say one thing Your Mom is one hell of a kisser Please don't take this the wrong way but I'm off to visit your sister I know it's hard to believe but she's just a really good friend I'm sorry you had to see me caught with my pants down again |
